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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?